And Then There’s That Right There Then

I have been taking baby steps toward including my family.

How do you do this with sufficient obscurity? “Thinking about you, wondering what you’re up to..” Deflecting the questions with yeah, boring, what’s going on with YOU because everyone loves to talk about themselves. God forbid we talk about me. Me is not an okay thing to talk about. I am only a voice, only a whisper, only a reminder of a kid with braces and tousled blond hair.

I have a habit of talking eagerly about life as a carpenter, about slipping studs (!) 16 inches apart and pounding the nails home. Admittedly, I enjoy making people uncomfortable. It makes them deflect and continue.

Me is not an okay thing to talk about.

So I hear about things that ordinary people worry about. And ordinary people are wonderful. Their problems cannot be solved because they do not want them to be. Because they hold those problems so close, depend on them so much. And when they really can’t stand them any more, when they REALLY can’t bear them, that’s often when I hear about them. And even then, they can bear them.

People are weak animals.

Steel.

Some of them haunt my dreams, invade me, demand answers that I can reject because I know they are phantasms of my mind, and I am in control. I am in control. I am IN control. I am in control. What is the basis of action? Thought. Consideration. Perspective.

To some extent, past action is irrelevant, isn’t it?

I am trying to involve my family.

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About ernestwhile

I live in New York City. I built a world of Lego bricks, colorful and simple and foreign. I've been picking it apart ever since.
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