I went camping with SuperSmart SuperHot Girlfriend and another couple last summer and volunteered to do the dishes after one of our sumptuous campfire meat annihilations. The other three were far more Foodie than me, so it only made sense for me to be Dishie.

The collective shrieks of horror only started when I set aside SuperSmart SuperHot Girlfriend’s cast iron skillet to soak while I did the plates.

Apparently, and how I missed this being on the planet so long I have no idea, a cast iron skillet must be seasoned, something to do with creating and preserving the non-stick coating, and it takes time to get it just right, and you’re not supposed to scrub it, or use boiling water, honey, you’re supposed to scrape off food and lightly massage it with rock salt and smear it with oil and cover it with foil and I don’t know, suck its toes or something. I’m not going to Google that for you, but hey…

The Less You Piss Off The Girlfriend

All this really means to me is that now, when SuperSmart SuperHot Girlfriend cooks for me, I do all the dishes and then when I get to that heavy bacon-encrusted bludgeon, I get to say “Hey Babe, I’ma let you finish because I don’t want to screw up the whole seasoning-the-skillet thing.” And thus I get out of cleaning the bludgeon.

I’ve asked about hygiene and seasoning. Doesn’t this increase the chances that microscopic critters and such survive the meal and wait, lurking, for the chance to hitch a ride on some asparagus stir-fry and wage atomic warfare on my small intestines? I have been assured this is not the case, and while I’m usually a Sap for Science, I didn’t pay attention in the class that followed on why seasoning is safe and even desirable (something something about iron content increasing in your food as it stays in contact with the skillet, etc.)

So what I’m wondering is if this applies to other dishes.

I have a 4-cup drip coffeemaker under my desk at work, and I brew a pot or two every morning. I am testing my theory.

My carafe has a lovely, err, tannish tint to it these days. There are occasionally individual coffee grounds that stick to the bottom. The coffee rings that usually show up on your desktop? They’re at the bottom of my carafe. I figure brewing a pot of very hot coffee scalds away the badness (I don’t know, mold spores?) and the seasoned pot adds, umm, irony? I haven’t been covering it with aluminum foil, but I have been doing the smear-it-with-oil thing. I don’t use oil, I use Jameson, but seems to work.

In any case, I’ve been doing this experiment for a couple of weeks now, and I haven’t noticed any deterioration in my health. I’m thinking about extending the philosophy to clothing.


About ernestwhile

I live in New York City. I built a world of Lego bricks, colorful and simple and foreign. I've been picking it apart ever since.
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7 Responses to Seasoning

  1. I can hear the collective shrieks! My grandmother would have needed her smelling salts.

  2. jayne ayres says:

    You know, bypassing the dishes and being the Firemaster could make you King of the Mountain. Especially if you bring a chainsaw.

  3. TheOthers1 says:

    Ahahahahah. i’m not a cook so I would’ve made the exact same mistake. This cracked me up.

  4. Hyacinth says:

    Hahaha!! Yes, seasoning a cast iron skillet is akin to obtaining the perfect amount of sun before you blister. Check this dude out. He’s all in love with cast iron ‘n shit. It’s serious business! As for your Jameson-oiled carafe, I’d say you’re well on your way to becoming a Foodie like the rest of us.

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