I tried to go vegetarian once. I managed to give up steak after having the ultimate steak experience at Ditka’s Steak House in Chicago; I figured steak couldn’t get any better than that, so it would be good to go out on a high note. Chicken was a sacrifice, but fish was still on the menu, because fish are not cuddly. Rabbit, deer, snake… never lived in Appalachia so I miss not that which mine lips ne’er pass’d. No biggie.
Bacon made it impossible.
Usually I get it extra crispy, to delude myself that it’s healthier if the bubbling grease isn’t quite so evident. But sometimes I want to get my face all mashed into it and I figure if it can’t turn a paper towel transparent, ur doin’ it wrong. I order bacon on burgers, on salads, wrapped around scallops, and inside waffles. If there’s an option on the menu to add that salty greasy meaty yum, I will so do it. Dooooo Eeeeeet.
In Christopher Hitchens’ book God Is Not Great, he speculates that the reason various religions prohibit pork is that a pig being slaughtered sounds a lot like a terrified human child, and that earlier angry cannabalistic pagan types started eating pigs to wean themselves from human bicep mastication, soooo it became wrong to eat something so similar to human flesh, and besides pigs are quite intelligent (Charlotte’s Web?), I may be paraphrasing here.
Yeah, religions are weird, I am eating bacon.
Nom nom nom.